Ace Pride

Why Math is Beautiful

I am not a math person. But I do understand the beauty of it to those who are. The beauty is that it is an escape form the chaos of life. Where so many things are uncertain math is always the same. It is something we can know and see and it is always true. When people lie math never does.

I love the chaos of life, I revel in the unrest, and that is why I am not a math person. But math is soothing to the soul. It is complex, that is true, but it is a numerical attempt to put into defiant terms a world which is far more complex than math could ever be. And in a way this is a wonderful and beautiful thing. It shows man's will to dominate a world which he cannot control, and his wish for something peaceful and predictable. And this is what math strives to do, it searches for patterns in a world where there seem to be none. Isn't that wonderful?

Restlessness

There is a restlessness in my soul. It dwells within and will not be washed out. It twirls and dances and can be beautiful. But it rages up in great passions and has great fears as well. It feels with the strength that moves mountains. This still restlessness, I feel it so strong, and yet it is so very, very quiet. When it speaks it does so in whispers. This is what drives me to action. When I do anything great it comes from this restlessness. When I fail it is this that catches my tears and morphs them into determination. It cannot be rightly described, not with all the words, but I tell you this. This restlessness, it is good and true. It conflicts my soul and gives me grief and guilt. These unpleasant feelings keep me good and true. I do not always like it, but I do love it.

Invisible Man

I recently finished reading Invisible Man by Ralph Ellison. What are my thoughts? Well my first feeling was that I didn't like it. It left a bitter taste in my mouth; the subject was a distasteful one and the sentence structure - by the end - was as if Ellison were grasping randomly at whatever words he could get a solid hold of to build his statements. And I sat, having closed the book, reminiscing on all this and I released that this was just the point, and I found it - in a way - beautiful and romantic. Now this is truly a silly way to describe a book that is so full of chaos and the harshness of racism. But for that brave narrator to become what he was, an Invisible Man, it was mystical. Something like a nightmare. And somehow to me the chaos and the invisible man's peace with it is romantic.

But the rub is this: Ought we be at peace with it?

What so unsettled me is that I don't think we should be so eager to disregard the terrible things of life. And it is true that our great narrater by the end has decided to do just that. But this is hypocritical, because in writing the book he is showing that he does care, and he says again and again how it should not be this way. But then he goes on to tell us that he is at peace with the way of the world that he is found his role and it is to be invisible. He says he has not given up, that he intends to go back into the world, but we all say that "someday I'll go out and do that" but not today. We cannot know that he ever did leave his brilliant hole of defeat. And I find it repulsive that he can be happy within it.

But did he not try all else? And what good was it? I'll say that if actions against evil do anything they will always do good to your soul. That at the least, you've tried. Let us not be content to sit on the sidelines or to relish our captivity. Let us always fight against the chains that bind us. When we grow tired let it turn to motivation and let us be determined. Yes, let us be determined against all opposition and passively furious against the injustices; let us go brave into battle and let us love passionately. And do not forget the enemy. For it is not any man but the evil that lives within all, so that one man is constantly battling the evil within himself and not his brother. Let us never be peaceful against it. No, I do not want peace, I want to forever rage against the dying of goodness.

The reason I write

Why do I write?

I'm asking myself this... mostly as an incentive to write something now. But... I guess if I think about it there are a few reasons. 

1. I write not because I like the actual writing itself but because I like to tell stories. I like the creativity of it. I mean, I can draw pretty well but that's just copying stuff down. I can't draw anything just out of my head. I can write, though. I can come up with stories and people and give them little imaginary lives and put it down on a piece of paper. I like that about writing. I like taking something from my own mind and then putting it somewhere else. It makes my thoughts real. 

2. I write for the dedications. I want to get a book published very badly. (That also means I want to finish one) I want to be able to write a dedication for my story to someone important to me. That's one of the main reasons I want to publish a story. If I didn't want to be able to dedicate my story to someone I might not, (aside from writing stories that may be important for people to hear) I might not need to publish a book. I could just write for myself. But I want to dedicate my stories, because I have soooo many people to dedicate them to.

3. I want my stories to be heard. For this reason I also want them to be important. I write for other people. That's the point after all. To share my voice. I mean I read to learn what other people think, so I ought to give a little back. So some people tell me I have things to say and I take them for their word. I write to tell other people what I think. Isn't that the point?

4. I suppose my selfish reason is that it's fun. As I said, I don't like the sitting down and typing for a few hours part, but I love my characters and it would be unfair to just leave them in my head.

I don't know if these are good reasons, or even the real reasons. I will probably always settle, not on these answers but just the answer that I write because I write. And that's all.

I write because I write. 

Words

"They've made me feel like a prisoner,

They've made me feel set free,

They've made me feel like a criminal,

Made me feel like a king."

~Words by Hawk Nelson

"They" are words and words, as insinuated above, are extremely powerful. Words can kill. Of course they can also heal. So how can we seek out healing words? Or better yet, how can we speak words of healing ourselves?

 Avoiding saying just plain stupid things can be very difficult. I mean come on, I'm sure you can think of someone that you can't stand. Now tell me, honestly, that you can spend an entire day with them without letting a single sly or rude comment escape from your lips. If you can I would be very impressed. So... the question, how do we keep ourselves from not doing just that. How we hold our tongues? The simplest answer...

Stop talking.

Now hold on a second. Say your a talkative person, that sounds impossible, even for someone who doesn't talk a lot they still can't just say nothing, ever. Well luckily for you, that's not the point. Stop talking, as I put it, doesn't mean you can't talk, it just means take a minute. Don't speak on a whim or without thinking. Allow yourself time to think or even more importantly listen before you speak. It's worth it both for you and everyone else. PLEASE... think before you speak.

Perhaps this sounds cliché, it does. I mean who hasn't heard their parents say "think before you speak" in the high mocking/teaching voice that they get. But maybe your elders have a point. Okay for those who need a little more convincing, think of a time when something mean was said to you. It's not hard, right? That's because things like this stay with us, we just can't forget all those rotten things that people say. It is one of the many curses of the human condition, we hold grudges. And even if we don't stay mad at the person who said them words can root themselves in a person's heart and take hold, whether it's true or not. It's our job to make sure that the seeds sown are good ones. Self-confidence, happiness, kindness, all things like these can be seeded just as easily as things like hate, depression, selfishness, loneliness. The main difference, though, in how these things take root in our lives is that the bad things are much more invasive; they are quick to erase other compliments and leave people in an all round bad mood. You'd know, right?

Good words can take root as easily as bad. The reason mean comments often have a stronger impact is that we will hang onto those mean things and then, because we did that, we reject compliments when they come. The answer to this, of course, is to forgive. Let the words go. It's your responsibility to let "bad" words bounce off of you without causing damage, absorb the good things, and not expect other people to do the same. Still treat other people kindly. Always. Don't expect that they'll just get over it. Believe that people will be hurt by your rude words, and don't say them. Don't say them whether you want to hurt that person or not.

Listen to people.

If you listen to people, really listen, not just sit quietly, then you can also have time before you say or do anything rashly. How do you listen? Think about it. Do you listen enough to keep up with the conversation while your mind drifts off somewhere else or do you listen? To really listen you hear that person with your soul and mind. You take in every word and process it. You sympathize with that person and you put yourself in their shoes before you go and disagree with them. Before you answer you also try to think of how they will respond to that answer, what will they think? Care. That's the most important part of listening. You don't even have to care about the topic, but care about the person. Have enough respect for another human being, with feelings and heart and soul, hopes and dreams, that you can take the time to leave your own personal thoughts and hear someone else's.

"Let my words be life
Let my words be truth
I don't wanna say a word
Unless it points the world back to You"

~Words by Hawk Nelson